Need help recovering from a narcissistic relationship? Check out Surviving the Narcissist: 30 Days of Recovery: Whether You’re Loving, Leaving, or Living With One.
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In movies, the more extreme the personality, the better. In real life, however, this is most definitely not the case.
In real life, narcissists wreak havoc. I have written extensively about that—and how to heal from the pain. They wear a mask, behind which lurks a black hole. This black hole — a lack of sense of self — is very frightening to the individual in which it resides. There’s a feeling of emptiness, of void, and it’s something that the narcissistic person has attempted to cover with a mask or persona. Threaten to pull that mask off — without even realizing you’ve done so — and they retaliate.
That perfectly crafted exterior is not what you end up getting.
I don’t know anyone who consciously seeks out this type of person for a relationship — romantic, work or otherwise. However, put a well-crafted, well-written narcissistic character (as a fictional character, that is; the nonfiction ones are just bores!) on television or in a movie (I am not talking about reality shows, either), and we’re intrigued, mesmerized, and sucked in (without actually being chewed up and spit out!).
In his books about the Enneagram, Don Richard Riso describes the unhealthy characteristics and traits of narcissists:
“A pathological liar, devious and deceptive, maliciously betraying people. May become vindictive, attempting to ruin what he or she cannot have. Sadistic, psychopathic tendencies: sabotage, murder, assassination.”
The average traits of such an individual — meaning they are higher up, or healthier, on the spectrum — include “making himself sound better than he is, arrogance, exhibitionistic, hostile and contemptuous of others.” Two of the narcissist’s key motivations are “to be admired, and to impress others.”
A real-life person with all these traits is exhausting and terrifying. On screen, however, where we can watch and not interact, we can learn.
Movies provide us with cautionary tales of narcissism without us having to experience a cautionary tale in real life. When it comes to learning about narcissism — the real kind — that’s a gift that goes a long way.
Or, just learning about narcissism? Check out my first book: Narcissism: Surviving the Self-Involved – A Little Primer on Narcissism and Self-Care.
Photo by Ashley Jurius on Unsplash
