A parent’s illness signals a reminder that we are not children anymore—that the wounds we got as kids—inflicted by parents, sometimes intentionally, oftentimes not—are still with us. We feel like they define us without our even realizing it. This happens in all aspects of our lives, but the original relationship with our parents is most poignant because that’s often where the patterns begin to define us.
Invite yourself to stand apart from the parent who criticizes…and even the one who fawns. This has nothing to do with love or caring, but rather how to define oneself. What does it feel like? It might be a subtle feeling, something almost non-feel-able, but if you focus long enough, you’ll notice a slight shift, if only for the moment. Perhaps it feels like freedom?
And your parent. Is he or she emotionally dependent on you? If so, it can be breathtaking to realize how dependent they not only are—but always were…on you as a child, a little kid.
Shifting your perspective just a bit can help you gain compassion as a caregiver for yourself and for your parent, no matter how “close” or “un-close” you are. This offers a new way to view the relationship so it doesn’t hurt so much and you don’t feel as guilty.
Photo by Göran Eidens on Unsplash